


I Ponder of Something Terrifying

by Kingofthedivan



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:57:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10590675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingofthedivan/pseuds/Kingofthedivan
Summary: Josh has a panic attack before a show.





	

“You okay?” Tyler asked, noticing how quiet Josh had gotten.  
They were backstage getting ready for a show, and Josh was standing with his head down and fists clenched so tight his knuckle had gone white. He shook his head weakly.  
“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. Can you look at me?” Tyler spoke gently, quietly, to avoid overwhelming his friend further.  
Josh looked up, unable to make eye contact, so he focused on Tyler’s nose instead. “I can’t do this,” he whispered, voice soaked in utter terror. His breathing had started to become erratic, and thoughts of you aren’t safe! flooded his mind.  
Tyler’s heart broke at the sight of his best friend in such distress. “Can I touch you?” he asked.  
Josh nodded, and Tyler put a hand on his shoulder to guide him to his dressing room. He sat them both down on the couch and put both hands on Josh’s shoulders to keep him grounded. “I need you to breath for me, Josh. I know it’s hard, but I need you to take a deep breath in.”  
Josh did his best to suck in enough air, and held it. He knew this routine backwards and forwards, had used it often enough, but he could never quite manage to do it without being guided through it.  
“Good,” Tyler said. “Now, let it out.” They repeated this several times, until Josh’s breathing became somewhat regular.  
Any progress they had made was lost when Josh finally met Tyler’s soft, worried gaze. “I can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m…” He broke down, tears spilling over his eyelids.  
Tyler pulled him into a tight hug, running a gentle hand through his hair. “Shh,” he soothed. “Yes, you can. You’re so strong, I know you can get through this. But listen to me, if you can’t do this one show, that is absolutely okay.”  
Josh shoved his face further into Tyler’s shirt. “But so many people will be disappointed.”  
“The fans will understand, Josh. They care about you, and just want you to be okay.” Tyler rubbed gentle circles on Josh’s back. But Josh only became more upset, overwhelmed by the internal battle raging his mind, thoughts of you can’t do this! and you have to do this! locked in an eternal stalemate.  
Tyler held him closer, making soothing noises. He pulled back just enough to look Josh in the eye. “Do you know what you need right now; what would help?”  
Josh shook his head, and Tyler pulled him close again. “That’s okay, we’ll get through this. I’m right here,” he said into Josh’s ear.  
They sat like that for a moment before Tyler reached over to grab a notebook, tearing a sheet out and handing it to Josh. Josh took the paper with shaking hands and immediately began shredding it. He tore it into progressively smaller squares, focusing on the feel of the paper between his fingers and the sound of it ripping. Closing his eyes, he took deep breaths, imagining the air swirling around in his lungs. Very gradually, he began to feel the tension leave his body; the voices screaming at him to get out, that he wasn’t safe, quieting down to a whisper.  
He opened his eyes to see Tyler watching him closely. He took one last deep breath and gave a small nod, signaling Tyler that he was calming down.  
“You gonna be okay to do the show?” Tyler asked, putting a hand back on Josh’s shoulder.  
Josh nodded again. “Yeah, yeah, I think so.”  
“I’ll be right there with you the whole time,” Tyler assured him, standing up and holding a hand out for Josh.  
Josh took it, heaving himself up and pulling Tyler into a hug. “Thanks,” he said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  
Tyler just nodded and hugged him tighter, wordlessly promising that the feeling was mutual.  
After they pulled away from one another and josh started to walk away, Tyler put a hand on his arm, causing him to turn around. “I’m really proud of you,” Tyler said with a smile, and went off to finish getting ready for the show.


End file.
